Monthly Archives: February 2011

Fear

If you look up fear in the dictionary, it states, Fear; ‘A feeling of distress or alarm caused by danger or pain that is about to happen’. The wonderful thing about fear… is that everyone has felt afraid at some point in their lives. Any human being can have empathy when it comes to fear, and it comes, in all shapes and sizes. Might come in the shape of a word, an object, a place, a person, a thought, a nothingness, or the fear of yourself. Fear can produce, anger, weakness, strength, stupidity, resilience, rudeness, ignorance. Fear is a seed for some of the many wrongs and rights in people’s lives, it can stop you from thinking. It can also be used to control.   

People say that it is the heart that rules your body and mind; but she knew it was the stomach. When you laugh or cry, when you’re nervous or excited, when you get the butterflies or when you are afraid. It all comes from your stomach. It’s the centre of your body and world, and that’s where her fear always sat, deep in her stomach, ruling her mind and her heart.

She, was a woman, and she had been afraid, most of her life, and as she stood on the edge of the ocean with blood on her hands thinking about fear, she howled in to the darkness. Shaking with the cold; her body slowly falling away in to the wind.   

The sea was lapping at her feet, licking at her toes, and talking to her stomach. She took another step. The water reached her ankles. She pointed her face towards the moon; she wanted it to see her tears. The water lapped at her keens now and was teasing up towards her hips. The ocean was unexpectedly warm, and it made her smile slightly. Her cheeks rising and moving the tears on her skin, she had been afraid. She had been alone, and then she took control of it all. She wrapped her hands tightly around her fear and squeezed it until there was nothing left but the blood on her hands, her blood.

The ocean was playing on her neck now and whispering sweetly in her ear. She felt clean. The water was washing her away. The sea is a beautiful but deadly object and she felt strong standing amongst it, changeling it, to take her on. She could taste the salt on her lips. Enough, she had stood on the verge of darkness with choices laid out in front of her and she was deciding, enough.

She walked out of the sea and laid her hands open to the sky. They were clean. No one watched her arrive and no one would watch her leave. There were no goodbyes and no hellos. She walked away from the ocean and away from the watching darkness.


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