If you look up fear in the dictionary, it states, Fear; ‘A feeling of distress or alarm caused by danger or pain that is about to happen’. The wonderful thing about fear… is that everyone has felt afraid at some point in their lives. Any human being can have empathy when it comes to fear, and it comes, in all shapes and sizes. Might come in the shape of a word, an object, a place, a person, a thought, a nothingness, or the fear of yourself. Fear can produce, anger, weakness, strength, stupidity, resilience, rudeness, ignorance. Fear is a seed for some of the many wrongs and rights in people’s lives, it can stop you from thinking. It can also be used to control.   

People say that it is the heart that rules your body and mind; but she knew it was the stomach. When you laugh or cry, when you’re nervous or excited, when you get the butterflies or when you are afraid. It all comes from your stomach. It’s the centre of your body and world, and that’s where her fear always sat, deep in her stomach, ruling her mind and her heart.

She, was a woman, and she had been afraid, most of her life, and as she stood on the edge of the ocean with blood on her hands thinking about fear, she howled in to the darkness. Shaking with the cold; her body slowly falling away in to the wind.   

The sea was lapping at her feet, licking at her toes, and talking to her stomach. She took another step. The water reached her ankles. She pointed her face towards the moon; she wanted it to see her tears. The water lapped at her keens now and was teasing up towards her hips. The ocean was unexpectedly warm, and it made her smile slightly. Her cheeks rising and moving the tears on her skin, she had been afraid. She had been alone, and then she took control of it all. She wrapped her hands tightly around her fear and squeezed it until there was nothing left but the blood on her hands, her blood.

The ocean was playing on her neck now and whispering sweetly in her ear. She felt clean. The water was washing her away. The sea is a beautiful but deadly object and she felt strong standing amongst it, changeling it, to take her on. She could taste the salt on her lips. Enough, she had stood on the verge of darkness with choices laid out in front of her and she was deciding, enough.

She walked out of the sea and laid her hands open to the sky. They were clean. No one watched her arrive and no one would watch her leave. There were no goodbyes and no hellos. She walked away from the ocean and away from the watching darkness.


About Rebecca Windsor

I'm an actor and writer living in London. View all posts by Rebecca Windsor

2 responses to “Fear

  • michaela benz

    I was just talking about fear today,how it can grasp you so badly that you can’t see anything but what the fear wants you to look at.

    I was talking about when some friends and I were swimming one summer down at the local beach. Another girl came along and just paddled her feet on the rocks the tides was in, but relatively calm. We were all laughing and joking and floating around in the gentle waves when all of a sudden a massive wave pushed in with a massive force, it swiped my friend who was paddling right off the rocks. The next thing I knew was that she had hold of me with such force that she was pulling me under the water. The more I struggled to get free the tighter her grip become and the further we sunk. I realised very quickly she was going to drown us both. I tried to remain calm and think about what I could do but I could feel the panic building. Then with all of my might I managed to get an arm free and began to swim under the water for the rocks. I got to the rocks and climbed up with her attached to me. She didn’t realise she was safe until we were nearly completely out of the water. I said what the hell were you doing!? she replied I cant swim. Her fear of drowning had nearly caused us both to drown. I look up about what had happened that day to see if it was common. I found that it is called a ‘death grip’ where a person is so bound by the fear of dying that they cannot see anything other that that. They are holding on to their life with all of their might, but in that moment they are so blinded by their fear they are in fact creating the thing they fear the most.

    Fear can blurs your perspective, it can take your hopes and dreams and ultimately your life if you let it. To live with the knowledge of fear is good,because we know achievement in our hope and dreams, but to let it control you from your core is to live a death, maybe?

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