I had an idea of what I wanted to write about, when i first started this page. My friends, my childhood teachers and schools, my family. Now i’m here, I’m questioning why I need to write it at all. Perhaps there really is no need for it and it is merley here becuase of a want.
It would be wrong to say that being dyslexic is not a part of who I am. I still sometimes make up words, when I’m not entirely sure how they are said or should sound. I can still get letters mixed up, but luckly for me I have now learnt the difference between a D and a B. I have also learnt to put spaces between words. Which was something I wasn’t always keen on doing as a child. There are some words I will never be able to spell like inconvieance and esspically, and for some reason I will never know my times table. Apart from the nine times table, but everyone can do their nine times table. You just have to use your hands.
For a long time i hid the fact i was struggling with certain subjects and aspects of learning. I sat quietly and day dreamed a lot, which is a good thing! Worked the old imagination muscle. There are many joy’s and positives to being dyslxic. I like the idea of perhaps seeing and learning things slightly different to everyone else. I like that i have to take control and find my own way and I love that i am still questioning. It is also a comfort to know, that somethings are just going to take me that little bit longer to grasp, and so i can chill out about it.
As i get older I am becoming more and more open at allowing people to help, and to point out my mistakes. To not be so defensive. Because mistakes do need correcting and seeing less and less that it’s a bad thing to have made those mistakes in the first place. Mistakes can be wonderful.
I do of course carry a few small insercurities and fears (who doesn’t). My deepest fear being stupity. I worry constantly of letting myself down and allowing myself to look stupid, or giving someone else the opportunity to make me look or feel that way, just because i find learning certain things difficult.
Dyslexia can make you brave and also very shy, all in the same breath.
As an adult I like to be around and do surround myself with people who are teachers, in a way. People that talk with me and to me, never at me or just think it’s ok to simply tell me. I think that some of these things don’t nessiseraly relate to just being dyslexic.
My page is now full, like a glass, and for the first time in over ten years I have turned the spell checker off and this has simpley just been me. Flaws in all.
Thank you for reading.